Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Lessons from Dynasty
1. If you need to apologize, try saying it with flowers. There are arrangements for anything from "Sorry I raped you," to "whoops did I just kill your gay lover?, " to "OMG I kissed my ex-wife in the Middle East."
2. If you're considering riding a horse for the very first time, you should probably try it while pregnant. Don't worry, if you fall off of your horse and your baby dies, no one will question why you were RIDING A HORSE WHILE PREGNANT.
3. All a man needs to seduce a woman is chest hair and a working fireplace.
4. Sexuality is location based. A man living with another man for over a year can easily be chalked up to "oh, well he was living in New York at the time."
5. Proper procedure for delivering medical news is as follows: remove medical mask. Toss hair seductively. Stare and say nothing until they figure out the diagnosis themselves.
6. A catfight can happen at ANY MOMENT. Be prepared by stocking every room with 4-6 crystal vases for smashing.
7. If you ever discover that your real father is the rival of the wealthy oil tycoon that raised you, the news can be so shocking that you completely forget to be grossed out by the fact that you have just given birth to what is now your first cousin's baby. You may also forget that you totally made out with your biological father a few episodes ago.
8. Unsure of what to wear? A pantsuit is always appropriate. And bras, if worn at all, should be unsupportive.
9. If you lose your vision in an explosion don't worry, it will return and be accompanied by harp music.