Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Childhood songs that kept it real

These days, kids songs are all just pansy, self-esteem boosting crap. But back in the day they were all about cannibalism, death and getting dragged to hell by goblins.  Here are a few me and my cousins used to sing:
Mr. Johnny Verbeck
Once there was a Dutchman
His name was Johnny Verbeck
He made the finest sausages and sauerkraut and speck.
He made the finest sausages that'll evermore be seen,
Till one day he invented a sausage making machine.


Chorus:
Oh, Mr. Johnny Verbeck how could you be so mean,
I told you, you'd be sorry for inventing that machine
now all the neighbors cats and dogs will nevermore be seen
They'll all be ground into sausages in Johnny Verbeck's machine.

One day the meat inspector came knocking at the door,
He said "I'll start a looking or give me money more."
Well Johnny got real angry and pushed him in the meat,
he fired up the old machine and now there's more to eat.

Chorus

One day the machine got busted, the darn thing wouldn't go,
So Johnny Verbeck he climbed inside to see what made it so.
His wife she had a nightmare, went walkin' in her sleep
She gave it a yank, a deuce of crank, and Johnny Verbeck was meat!


Go tell Aunt Rhody:
Go tell Aunt Rhody
Go Tell Aunt Rhody
Go Tell Aunt Rhody
The old grey goose is dead.

She died in the millpond (3 times)
From standin' on her head.

The goslins are crying (3 times)
Because their mammy's dead.

The gander is weeping (3 times)
Because his wife is dead.


 The Goblins will get you:
Once there was a little boy who wouldn’t say his prayers
And when he went to bed at night, all the way upstairs,
His Mommy heard him holler, and his daddy heard him bawl,
And when they turned the covers down, he wasn’t there at all!

And they searched for him in the attic, and the cubby-hole, and press,
And they searched up the chimney, and everywhere, I guess;
But all they ever found was his pants and round about
And the Goblins will get you, if you don’t watch out.

Once there was a little girl who liked to laugh and grin,
And make fun of everyone, her family and kin
Whenever there was company, and guests were sitting there,
She mocked them and she shocked them, and said she didn’t care!

Suddenly she kicked her heels, and turned to run and hide,
There were two great big Black Things standing by her side,
They snatched her through the ceiling before she knew they were about!
And the Goblins will get you, if you don’t watch out.

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