Monday, July 9, 2012

Creeper 101

My roommate is moving out this month, and the new one is only going to be living here for 3 months. Since it's such a short time I figure I might as well see how much I can creep her out. Suggestions are welcome. Here are a few ideas my creep co-worker Derek and I have come up with:

Buy a bunch of books about menopause and lay them out as coffee table books.

Every day, yell at her from the shower asking her to get me a bar of soap.

Spell out her name in my hair on her soap.

Spell out my name in Noodle's hair on her pillow. 

Tell her I talked to her dad for a few hours on the phone, and that he's coming to stay for the weekend. After he was obviously not there, say we had a really good time. Do this every weekend.

Leave medicine bottles labeled "anti-suicide pills" laying around. Accuse her of taking them.

If she ever has friends over, shake their hands then kiss them directly on the mouth.

Stock the dvd shelf with with only copies of the movies "Beethoven," "Beethoven's 2nd," "Beethoven's 3rd," "Beethoven's 4th," "Beethoven's 5th," "Beethoven's Big Break," and "Beethoven's Christmas Adventure." Add one with a handwritten cover that says "Beethoven and Katie: coming soon."

Get a boombox. Play recordings of men loudly weeping every night before bed. If she asks about it, tell her it's one of those sound machines that helps you sleep.

Ask her if she'll be my surrogate over email. Tell her I've already talked to her dad about being the donor. If she brings it up in person act like she's crazy, but continue to follow-up via email.

Chew up any vegetables she buys and spit them back into the original containers.

Leave a bunch of to-do lists laying around that only say "Watch Beethoven 1-6" over and over.

Insist she take a pregnancy test every month. Say it's because the apartment is very picky about how many people are living here and that there have been issues in the past.