What ever happened to John Tesh?

Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering what the former host of Entertainment Tonight has been up to for the past ten years.  Well I did some light internet research and discovered that since the 90's, he's launched an impressive music career, opening for musical goliaths such as Yanni.

I also discovered that he's been spending a great deal of time with your grandmother.

They've been bathing together...

and sharing tender moments

and gettin' grabby!

and having a blast!

But most importantly.....

Standing around topless!

Best Dynasty quote ever

"I find out that my grandson's been found not from my own flesh and blood, but from a beast nurse?!?! A FAT PHANTOM IN WHITE?!?!" - Alexis Carrington (soon to be Colby)

How has this not happened yet?

Lessons from Dynasty - Sexiness in the 80's

Looks like this: 

This guy?  Really???? Seriously, he's already banged 3 of the ladies on the show.

Though I have to admit, he does have a pretty sweet fireplace, and you can't see the lush forest of chest hair in this pic...

 And apparently this is also supposed to be alluring:

Is it hot in here? Let me help you peel that cardigan off your saggy body.

Lessons from Dynasty - Fashion Tip

If you have a figure that resembles a giant crayon, GO WITH IT by wearing the same color head-to-toe.

blue gray

desert sand

freedom fushia

Lessons from Dynasty - Important warning

NEVER leave someone for dead.  They are NEVER dead.

looks dead

BUT NOT DEAD

Lessons from Dynasty - Part 3

15.  Your father's crypt is a great place to bond with your infant child.  Here you can deliver a touching and seemingly well-rehearsed monologue without being distracted by the living.

16. People who have an all-encompassing vendetta will often experience flashbacks of the same ominous scene and whispered dialogue over and over again.  It is always the exact same scene and dialogue...sometimes they zoom in on it though.

17. Beware of people you've only met a few times.  They are all in cahoots with each other, and they are all trying to destroy you.