The following is a real email my friend Amy received from her office building management:
"Please know that we have hired a company called Catch It Wild to help us discourage our resident vultures from hanging around in the trees in the courtyard and the roof tops. Vultures are a protected species in the state of Georgia and we will not harm them in any way but they are making quite a mess in the courtyard. One of the tactics used to discourage them is loud noise. The loud noise is administered by a shot gun from the roof in most cases that does not use live ammunition. Please do not be alarmed if you hear what sounds like a loud fire cracker early in the mornings for the next week or so."
Here is a photo of the majestic bird:
And some of it's charming characteristics: "Vulture stomach acid is exceptionally corrosive, allowing them to safely digest putrid carcasses infected with hog cholera and anthrax bacteria. This also enables them to use their reeking, corrosive vomit as a defensive projectile when threatened. Vultures urinate straight down their legs; the acid kills bacteria accumulated from walking through carcasses."
AND, "vultures do not kill their own prey, which would classify them as a raptor"
A few weeks after the email, Amy posted this on facebook: "Nine birds have flown into my window today that I know of. I'm often away from my desk, so imagine the possibilities."
I decided to imagine that the birds flinging themselves into Amy's windows were the very same piss and vomit-covered vultures that were being shot at with fake shotguns. And since it was around Thanksgiving-time, one could only imagined that the birds were drawn to the turkey carcass Amy was carving at her desk.
Sadly though, my beautiful tableau was destroyed when I realized that since they were raptors, the vultures could easily have just opened the door if they wanted to get in.
