Ever since I entered my forties, I just can't seem to shed those last 15 lbs. I've tried everything, eating healthy, exercise, and even crazy fad diets, but nothing seems to work!
I've been trying to put myself out there in the dating world, but with this extra weight I just don't feel attractive to the opposite sex. What should I do?
Love always and desperately,
Joyce
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I feel for you and understand your concern.
Personally, I prefer a woman with a little extra meat. I also prefer extra meat on men, fish, beef hearts, goat carcasses, sundry entrails, and any other animal product that is used to make chum.
As for being attractive, listen to your friend Sir Mix-a-lot, and "do sidebends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that blood." It takes but one drop to attract the world's most eligible killing machines from over a mile away. And by the time he reaches your frail, vulnerable human body, he will be so crazed with bloodlust he'll be biting everything from the sides of boats to those flimsy metal cages they put stupid divers in.
But whatever you do Joyce, resist the urge to cheapen yourself by wearing slinky clothing. In particular, do not wear one of those chainmail shark suits that are impermeable to millions of rows of razor sharp teeth. It will only confuse and frustrate your predator, causing him to lose interest and instead attack the next seal or seal-looking surfer who crosses his path.
Love always,
Mr. Shark
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