Best Dynasty quote ever

"I find out that my grandson's been found not from my own flesh and blood, but from a beast nurse?!?! A FAT PHANTOM IN WHITE?!?!" - Alexis Carrington (soon to be Colby)

Lessons from Dynasty - Sexiness in the 80's

Looks like this: 

This guy?  Really???? Seriously, he's already banged 3 of the ladies on the show.

Though I have to admit, he does have a pretty sweet fireplace, and you can't see the lush forest of chest hair in this pic...

 And apparently this is also supposed to be alluring:

Is it hot in here? Let me help you peel that cardigan off your saggy body.

Lessons from Dynasty - Fashion Tip

If you have a figure that resembles a giant crayon, GO WITH IT by wearing the same color head-to-toe.

blue gray

desert sand

freedom fushia

Lessons from Dynasty - Important warning

NEVER leave someone for dead.  They are NEVER dead.

looks dead

BUT NOT DEAD

Lessons from Dynasty - Part 3

15.  Your father's crypt is a great place to bond with your infant child.  Here you can deliver a touching and seemingly well-rehearsed monologue without being distracted by the living.

16. People who have an all-encompassing vendetta will often experience flashbacks of the same ominous scene and whispered dialogue over and over again.  It is always the exact same scene and dialogue...sometimes they zoom in on it though.

17. Beware of people you've only met a few times.  They are all in cahoots with each other, and they are all trying to destroy you.

Lessons from Dynasty - Part 2

11. The gardener is ALWAYS around. Be sure to set aside some money to bribe him.

12.  If you ever accidentally shoot a woman who's husband you had an affair with, you should invite her to convalesce in your home.  It's the polite thing to do.

13. Pregnancy weight, if gained at all, will disappear before the baby is even brought home.

14. Don't be surprised if you get your business rival confused with Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget.  They conduct business meetings in the exact same manner.

Lessons from Dynasty - Addendum to Lesson #1

1. If you need to apologize, try saying it with flowers.  There are arrangements for anything from "Sorry I raped you," to "whoops did I just kill your gay lover?, " to "OMG I kissed my ex-wife in the Middle East."

In very rare cases, like "I'm sorry your real father might be BOTH your baby's great uncle and grandfather," flowers DO NOT say it all.  In such cases, this is a more appropriate gift:

Lessons from Dynasty

I'm halfway through Dynasty.  So far it has been full of important life lessons.

1. If you need to apologize, try saying it with flowers.  There are arrangements for anything from "Sorry I raped you," to "whoops did I just kill your gay lover?, " to "OMG I kissed my ex-wife in the Middle East."

2. If you're considering riding a horse for the very first time, you should probably try it while pregnant.  Don't worry, if you fall off of your horse and your baby dies, no one will question why you were RIDING A HORSE WHILE PREGNANT.


3. All a man needs to seduce a woman is chest hair and a working fireplace.

4.  Sexuality is location based.  A man living with another man for over a year can easily be chalked up to "oh, well he was living in New York at the time."

5. Proper procedure for delivering medical news is as follows: remove medical mask. Toss hair seductively. Stare and say nothing until they figure out the diagnosis themselves.

6.  A catfight can happen at ANY MOMENT.  Be prepared by stocking every room with 4-6 crystal vases for smashing.

7.  If you ever discover that your real father is the rival of the wealthy oil tycoon that raised you, the news can be so shocking that you completely forget to be grossed out by the fact that you have just given birth to what is now your first cousin's baby. You may also forget that you totally made out with your biological father a few episodes ago.

8. Unsure of what to wear?  A pantsuit is always appropriate. And bras, if worn at all, should be unsupportive.

9.  If you lose your vision in an explosion don't worry, it will return and be accompanied by harp music.

10. Neurosurgery is just like riding a bike. Even if you haven't practiced medicine in over a decade, you can get right back into it when the hospital has a "brain surgery emergency" and you are the only person around with a medical degree.