Monday, January 24, 2011

Sisterhood of Dynasty begins

So a few weeks ago I was thinking about purchasing the box set of the 80's soap opera Dynasty because, as evidenced by this photo, it is AMAZING:
Originally I was going to mail it around to a few other people forming the "Sisterhood of Dynasty," much like the movie "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" (minus the complete suspension of reality needed to believe that America Ferrara and Blake Lively fit into the same pair of jeans...actually the mail part is the only real similarity, but the name is catchy.)

HOWEVER, cbs.com has all the episodes for FREE online, so no need at all for the mail.

I just started watching today and am already captivated by the love triangle forming between Krystle Grant Jennings, Blake Carrington, and Matthew Blaisdel.  Will she marry for money? Or will she follow her heart???  The only thing we know for sure is that Matthew Blaisdel...
looks a lot like this troll doll:
stay tuned for the DRAMA as it unfolds...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Everyone's been in Menudo

You'd be surprised how many of todays celebs got their start in the boy band Menudo
 Bill Pullman AND Bill Paxten...but which is which?

They're Puerto Rican...but maybe check their papers just in case...

 Before he was Walken, he was SINGIN!

 Just like Jack in the Shining, he's ALWAYS been here....

Before he was nature's most notorious killing machine, he was a DANCING MACHINE

Friday, January 14, 2011

Mr. Shark in the Movies #4 - Bambi

A trip to the beach turns tragic when Bambi eats his own mother.  To be fair, a deer on a surfboard looks almost identical to a seal.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Mr. Shark in the Movies #3 - Weekend at Bernie's

Though it's obvious to everyone that Bernie is dead, terrified party-goers decide to play along for fear of being attacked by the corpse's handlers.  Comedic hijinks ensue.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The State Farm guy casually strolls by my last post

Oh holler!  I was just taking a leisurely walk when I noticed you ravaging a carcass.  What a commonplace and relatable activity.  You know what else is relatable?  State Farm insurance. By the way, that smells delicious.  Toss an entrail at me yo!

My favorite vulture-themed office email

The following is a real email my friend Amy received from her office building management:

"Please know that we have hired a company called Catch It Wild to help us discourage our resident vultures from hanging around in the trees in the courtyard and the roof tops. Vultures are a protected species in the state of Georgia and we will not harm them in any way but they are making quite a mess in the courtyard. One of the tactics used to discourage them is loud noise. The loud noise is administered by a shot gun from the roof in most cases that does not use live ammunition. Please do not be alarmed if you hear what sounds like a loud fire cracker early in the mornings for the next week or so."

Here is a photo of the majestic bird:


And some of it's charming characteristics: "Vulture stomach acid is exceptionally corrosive, allowing them to safely digest putrid carcasses infected with  hog cholera and anthrax bacteria. This also enables them to use their reeking, corrosive vomit as a defensive projectile when threatened. Vultures urinate straight down their legs; the acid kills bacteria accumulated from walking through carcasses."

AND, "vultures do not kill their own prey, which would classify them as a raptor" 

A few weeks after the email, Amy posted this on facebook:  "Nine birds have flown into my window today that I know of. I'm often away from my desk, so imagine the possibilities."

I decided to imagine that the birds flinging themselves into Amy's windows were the very same piss and vomit-covered vultures that were being shot at with fake shotguns.  And since it was around Thanksgiving-time, one could only imagined that the birds were drawn to the turkey carcass Amy was carving at her desk. 

Sadly though, my beautiful tableau was destroyed when I realized that since they were raptors, the vultures could easily have just opened the door if they wanted to get in.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The State Farm guy will give you something to cry about

Wassup lady!  I was just taking a casual stroll around the neighborhood when I noticed you grieving.  You know what would turn that frown upside-down?  Better auto insurance coverage.  And State Farm's got the most CUT-THROAT rates in the market.  What?  He was a stabbing victim?!?  AWK-WARD...